BROKEN HEARTED, ABUSED, LIED TOO, & USED but NOT CONFUSED!!!

hi to all my followers to be... well here I am again at the same place i was 3 in a half months ago. I don't know why I allowed myself to be used again, why did I believe that someone would actual love me? Back in survival mode again. I'm just so tired of people using my kindness as a weakness, lying to me and telling me one thing but doing another will I ever have stability in my life? At this point, I don't know how I should be or feel about people and life i really feel like being on the offensive end with everyone. What do you do when your closest family lies to you. What do you do and where do you place people in your life that don't mean you well? For a long time I was quote on quote had pride and people would tell me I couldn't live in this world alone but now that I'm thinking about it I have always been alone I was adopted, my mom died when I was 20 or something and i met the worst mistake of my life, got a criminal background, was pregnant all by myself and became homeless,  hopeless and used back to hopeful and not back to hopeless & homeless. I'm convinced that I can live in this life alone when I bring people into my life I whined of being used and abused for the little things, life and strength I have left for that reason I have no friends! People are always out to use people and suck them dry. You know scientist say that based on how we are living our lives today determines our future well the world is going to hell because I am 25 about to turn 26 and I have yet to find a person who feels the way I feel someone who thinks of others first and I'm not talking about love I'm talking about a good nature hear-ted person. You know people have the nerve to tell you, you should pick up your phone because there call as if they paid your bill people actually have the nerve to get mad because you don't pick the phone up to answer so they can harass and beg you for your last. Then you have those people who get mad cause you don't call them. Are you serious can you tell me what was stopping someone from picking up the phone to call me even though the reason I stopped picking the phone was because it wasn't because they were calling to check on me to see how I was doing it was to beg for money but you see I live in a shelter what money do I have for you! Future people of my blog to be do you know that the people of this world don't want to see you do good that there really jealous and just putting on a smile to see if they can punch that soft spot to use you and suck you dry even when you have nothing not even a pot to piss in and people still have there hands out. Is it just human nature? Or is it that people really don't know what there doing and are they really that cold guess what they really are that COLD. Did you know when people see you there just like vampires you know as I am typing this I think I finally figured out why I'm infatuated with vampires because there cold heartless being trying to get as much as they can and go never to see you again. Do you know people will pray for your failure they will exalt pray up to GOD that you shouldn't be in good health or have a happy life then you have those people who pray for you to come back to your same old useless situation. Like for example i knew this dude he was kind but didn't love me or want me he only wanted me if i could give him a child everything was based on conceiving a child which i had no problem with i actual wanted to be pregnant by him but not as soon as he wanted i wanted to finish school anyways so i was like OK he's not the one for me i express that to him at a far later date when I wasn't messing around with him, but he still continues to call me, and email me, tango me why because he selfish thinking about his next nut. Even if that is not true because no one knows a person heart he talked about me like a dog so people of my blog why would he be calling me. I have been naive about this world blind sort to say i always believe no matter how bad a person use or treated you they had a heart somewhere in there..... I think its time we stop blaming people evilness on the devil maybe Lucifer plays a part in this play we call life but is not all him its a persons nature. I do wish I was like a vampire so I can suck people dry as they do me to never return again but I'm not sad anymore as this chapter closes in my life i new one begins and for that reason I'm not confused but happy and eagerer to know what lies ahead.

Dying To Be THIN

Blogging is hard! I was half way threw when I click off and my draft was gone, gone, gone! I tell ya. Blog spot is weird it saves your draft after each pause you take from typing so when come back again to find it  NOT there. Anyways this blog is not about that its about me and how i want to be thin as a toothpick I mean thin I'm always goggling  "Zoebots", clenbuterol, skinny celebrities, celebrities weight loss secrets and i find new info all the time. I never go anywhere because I am big which is why i started doing to whole HCG thing and I was getting my skinny back and now I'm gaining but its because I got tired of diet you really have to put yourself in a mindset to succeed at staying thin and because I didn't know what else to buy to push my body further into losing more weight if I would have known what I knew now I would have been to my ideal weight by now I dont even know what I weigh and don't wanna know until i start over again. I had a delay in my weight because of some life problems which have led me to where I am now. I don't even care about my well being anymore cause it's too over rated hell it seems everyone around me that's actually living there life and doing bad things is actually getting what they want out of life weird right so now I said i going to do just that be me from head to toe. So I have been goggling all night about weight loss. Its like I cant get my life straight until I get my size right does that sound right. So I ran across this blog that talks about everything under the sun about losing weight quickly and she said to find your wight inspirations and surround yourself with them. Some of mine include Nikki Hilton, Rachel Zoe, Mary-Kate Olsen, Nicole Richie, Kristen Stewart, Kiera Knightly, Lindsay Lohan, Victoria Beckam & Mischa Barton.

Cause I have a adrenal body type stress makes me fat instead of making me skinny and everything on me is ok all my weight is in my stomach area. I guess I'm having a early-life crisis because I drying to be thin and live my life  to the the extreme at any cost to my well being and health.

Life  is stressful right now well hell when isn't it for me thats why ima live my life the way I want to cause hell I'm the one who has to be happy everyone around does what they want to be happy but not me i sitting here waiting for someone to spend time with me well im get my ass up and move around on a nigga. What im i waiting for i dont know. But I know one thing whatever ive been waiting for Im going to go out there and find it go get it you heard.